2008 Woodie Awards
Or So She Thought...
I want to live, not just exist
Issue date: 10/6/05 Section: Opinion
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Online Editor
I like knowing what I have to do and when it has to be done. Every weekend, I write down all the goals I want to accomplish before the end of the next week. I put a little box beside each item so I can check it off when I have completed the task. I do this every weekend, almost obsessively, as if I won't be able to get through my week without this guide. When I completed my last list, though, I felt no satisfaction.
I felt bummed because I would have to make another list. The thing about these lists is that when I go through the routine of doing each little thing, I forget to live. I simply exist, and that is a horrible thing to realize about yourself.
My friends went to a concert that I really wanted to attend this past weekend. I didn't go, though, because I had to work. In all actuality, I am sure I could have called in to work and had someone cover for me, but I didn't. While my friends were at the concert and I was behind a counter selling doughnuts, I discovered that I just use work as an excuse for everything. I use all my responsibilities as an excuse not to really live.
I do have the life of an average college student. There are always papers and projects due. There are always professors who expect too much, and there are always peers who seem to slide by without even opening a book. But the part of the college student life I realized I don't have is the fun part. If I am ever up late and past gate check, it is usually because I am trying to finish homework. My average weekend consists of me going to work and then coming back to my dorm room to study until classes on Monday. I let myself get so wrapped into trying to be the best that I forget that it is okay to take it easy sometimes.
You see, I don't believe that I was created merely to exist. God didn't decide that he would put me on this earth just to go through the motions without actually enjoying anything. A life without happiness and joy and excitement is really no life at all, it is hardly an existence. And that is the point that I am running myself into. Am I suddenly going to put off all of my responsibilities now? Of course not, but I am going to try to loosen up. I am going to take those extra notes, but I am going to make time to go out to dinner with friends. I am going to put in extra hours working in the publications office, but I am also going to plan weekend trips with my roommates. Who knows, maybe I will even try to squeeze in a date or two.
Most of all, I just don't want to look back on my life in a few years and only remember all the work I did. I want to have memories of going to concerts with my friends and late nights at Waffle House. I want to break the mold that I have set for my life. I want to be different. Sure, the stress is going to be overwhelming sometimes, and there are going to be those times when I have to stay in and study instead of hanging out with friends. But there are also going to be those times when I am allowed to just relax and enjoy my life, and I don't want to miss those times because I am too busy worrying about what has to be done tomorrow.
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