2008 Woodie Awards
Or So She Thought
I always rely on God at least when it suits me the best
By: Kayla Bryant
Issue date: 3/22/06 Section: Opinion
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Most of the time I give myself much more credit than I deserve. Sometimes I believe in myself a little too much. There have been points in my life when I actually started to think I just may actually be invincible. The times I begin to feel this way always seem to be the times when something happens that causes my whole world to come crashing in on me, and I go running for cover, no longer the superhuman I thought I was before.
I felt the tension of my world starting to cave in on me this past week. I was sitting at my desk in my dorm room with the course schedule, trying to figure out what I could take in the fall semester without having to go to summer school to graduate on time when I realized I have one more year of college before I am pushed out into the real world. The thought scared me so much that I stopped working on my schedule and quickly went to the nearest ice cream parlor. As soon as I walk across that stage and take my diploma, I will be expected to get a job that deals with the degree I have spent four years here to receive. Working weekends at The Donut Shoppe isn't going to cut it anymore. I will have to move out of my parents' house for good. I will have to be fully responsible for everything in my life.
When the stress of trying to predict the future decides to stop by for a visit I tend to forget I'm not going to have to do all of these things alone. I forget that when I thought I was invincible and that I was the one deserving all the credit, God was there with me, guiding me. He never left my side, I just chose not to see him when it seemed like I had a smooth road ahead.
It's easy to say that I rely on God for everything when life gets tough. The hard times are the times I feel closest to God and I want and need to feel closest to God because those are the times that I am relying on him to pull me through whatever turmoil I have decided to fall into. But it is those times in life when the sun is shining and my favorite song is on the radio and everything is going my way that it becomes difficult for me to rely on God because I feel like I am the one that put things that way.
I seem to be working on split personality. I rely on God when he is the only one who can pull me through, and I rely on myself at all other times. And although it feels like this lifestyle is working wonderfully for me during the sunshine happy days and even the scary don't-know-what-the-future-will-bring days, it doesn't line up with the Christian one I claim to be living.
I need to fully rely on God at all times or simply never rely on God because this half and half thing isn't right and it isn't fair.
I'm not the only one that deals with this overbearing tendency. In fact, as contradictory as it is, to only rely on God when the times are tough seems to fight quite well in the average Christian agenda. Prayer request time is always the best time to show how you are relying on God because that is all you can do when that person you love most is lying in a hospital bed or you are about to lose you house. But how often do we rely on God and include him in the church cookout or the school sport?
The time has come to stand up to my blatant self-reliance and fickle personality and realize that I am not the all-powerful being I once thought I was. This whole concept is much easier written about that actually accomplished, but I don't believe this as an option.
I try to look at it from the standpoint of war. I wouldn't want a soldier on my side who was only going to choose to be on my side when we were winning the war. I would want a soldier who would be loyal to my side and my cause. In that same fashion, God does not want me to rely on him only when it best suits me. I am to rely on him at all times, good or bad.
I felt the tension of my world starting to cave in on me this past week. I was sitting at my desk in my dorm room with the course schedule, trying to figure out what I could take in the fall semester without having to go to summer school to graduate on time when I realized I have one more year of college before I am pushed out into the real world. The thought scared me so much that I stopped working on my schedule and quickly went to the nearest ice cream parlor. As soon as I walk across that stage and take my diploma, I will be expected to get a job that deals with the degree I have spent four years here to receive. Working weekends at The Donut Shoppe isn't going to cut it anymore. I will have to move out of my parents' house for good. I will have to be fully responsible for everything in my life.
When the stress of trying to predict the future decides to stop by for a visit I tend to forget I'm not going to have to do all of these things alone. I forget that when I thought I was invincible and that I was the one deserving all the credit, God was there with me, guiding me. He never left my side, I just chose not to see him when it seemed like I had a smooth road ahead.
It's easy to say that I rely on God for everything when life gets tough. The hard times are the times I feel closest to God and I want and need to feel closest to God because those are the times that I am relying on him to pull me through whatever turmoil I have decided to fall into. But it is those times in life when the sun is shining and my favorite song is on the radio and everything is going my way that it becomes difficult for me to rely on God because I feel like I am the one that put things that way.
I seem to be working on split personality. I rely on God when he is the only one who can pull me through, and I rely on myself at all other times. And although it feels like this lifestyle is working wonderfully for me during the sunshine happy days and even the scary don't-know-what-the-future-will-bring days, it doesn't line up with the Christian one I claim to be living.
I need to fully rely on God at all times or simply never rely on God because this half and half thing isn't right and it isn't fair.
I'm not the only one that deals with this overbearing tendency. In fact, as contradictory as it is, to only rely on God when the times are tough seems to fight quite well in the average Christian agenda. Prayer request time is always the best time to show how you are relying on God because that is all you can do when that person you love most is lying in a hospital bed or you are about to lose you house. But how often do we rely on God and include him in the church cookout or the school sport?
The time has come to stand up to my blatant self-reliance and fickle personality and realize that I am not the all-powerful being I once thought I was. This whole concept is much easier written about that actually accomplished, but I don't believe this as an option.
I try to look at it from the standpoint of war. I wouldn't want a soldier on my side who was only going to choose to be on my side when we were winning the war. I would want a soldier who would be loyal to my side and my cause. In that same fashion, God does not want me to rely on him only when it best suits me. I am to rely on him at all times, good or bad.